Let Go or Drown

He wants me to let go. Let go of what? Everything! I have struggled with this for over a month now. My inability(or should I say unwillingness) to let go is what has taken me backward in my journey with God. I don't know how to let go. And to be honest, I don't know that I want to. But I want to want to. Does that make sense?

He told me in late December that I didn't have to understand everything. So I stopped asking Him why all the time. I realized that if He wanted me to know, He would tell me. What I didn't realize is that this was just the beginning of the letting go process. I guess I was hoping that was it. Of course I was! I am a former control freak! And I find the longer I cling to the things of this world, the more I revert back into controlling my own life. I don't like it! I don't want to be in control again. I messed it up royally the first time. But how do I finish letting go?

He gave me the answer to that yesterday as I was talking with my pastor. I have to stop analyzing everything. As I let it soak in, He showed me that I analyze myself more than anything else. I was willing to let go of analyzing everyone and everything else, just not me. And the longer I put off letting go, the more I go back into old habits. Old habits suck!

So here's the thing...let go or drown. Last Wednesday, I took His hand and started walking on water with Him. On Friday, I let go of His hand, picked up the things of this world, and started treading water. I can still look up and see Him, but if I don't let go, I will soon drown. I can only hold my breath for so long. If I don't let go, I will be conformed to the things of this world. That is not what I want at all.

I choose to let go. I choose to give Him my mind and let Him transform it. He has shown me how to start, and I know that as I obey, He will show me how to continue. This too was won on the cross. Thank you Jesus! So the journey of letting go continues. As it turns out, I am willing when my only other option is drowning. And I don't want to be conformed to the things of this world. I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. I give you my mind, Lord. I choose You.